Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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