His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
