can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
