dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
