So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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