she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
