thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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