You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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