Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
