There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
