just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
