didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
