the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
