just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The uberlube is also flammable
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
