Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
