How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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