they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
