why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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