I skipped work to stalk him.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
