I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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