I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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