Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
