the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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