The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
