k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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