Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
