Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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