You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
