she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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