This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
