I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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