I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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