How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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