a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
