Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
