i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
