At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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