Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
