He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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