Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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