Why does Corona taste like a burp?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
