The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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