cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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