only you would photoshop your dick
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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