you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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