Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
