You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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