Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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