So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
