Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's the barista slut.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
