Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
