I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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