You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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