I think I won the penis lottery.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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