I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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