How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
