I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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